Things had been tough for Warnie lately, his show 'Warnie' had just been canned and he was getting a lot of media attention for recent liaisons with a married british star (Liz Hurley, really you gotta hand it to the man he did well). Feeling at a loss he knew something must be done. He wandered over to his computer, a can of VB in hand and sat down to mull over what had gone wrong and how he could gain back his cred. He checked his twitter account, his feed was mainly filled up with 50cents tweets which were just sexy pictures ladies were sending him. Warnie felt a pang of jealousy, why does fiddy get to be such a playa and make it look cool when Warnie just gets ridiculed. Although rather then let this jealousy overcome him Warnie instead had an inspired idea, why not befriend fiddy and get mad street cred? He had the idea now he just needed a plan.
He would have to keep it street, he felt confident about this as in 2007 Warnie had a short lived rap career performing under the name 'Warnie G. His raps were mostly cricket inspired, his best track called "hitting that wicket". He managed to blend the subjects of cricket and sex effortlessly and with a flow that could make your mamma weak at the knees. Although it all fell apart after only one gig, Warnie G performed at the footscray community centre but alas only two people turned up, they were however extermely pumped for the show and had been over heard telling people it was going to be a 'badass' show. Warnie was excited that he had two devoted fans. Unfortunately though it was all a big misunderstanding as it turns out his two fans were infact NOT Warnie G fans and were illiterate Warren G fans and had come to hear their favourite rapper perform the hit 'I shot the sherrif '. Needless to say it did not go down well when they realised there was definetly not going to be a Warren G concert that night. Things got ugly and Warnie swore he would never rap again, never that is until now.
Taking a swig from his beer Warnie ran over the options in his head, should he send fiddy a track?or just a tweet? or both. Both he decided, that way he had all options covered. He prepared the mp3 'hitting that wicket' and got to work on his tweet. He definetly could not start the tweet with a simple 'Hi' fiddy would see
right through it he had to talk the talk. 'YO DA FUCK IS UP MA MAN FIDDY?! WARNIE G HERE HIT ME BACK YO LOL'. The caps lock were a good touch as he had seen lil john use caps lock and lil john had mad cred. The lol was also a nice addition as fiddy uses it often in tweets, some might even say that lol is the new full stop. He read over the tweet again breaking into a bit of a sweat he couldn't afford to screw this up, if he got put down by fiddy then that would be the end.
He grabbed another can of VB and put on some sting to calm the nerves, now all he could do was wait.
There was a lot of retweeting happening from fiddy, this looked hopefull for warnie, retweets were still good as evidenced by Cody Simpson.
@m1lsh4ke69 @50cent you so F**ckin fine I wAnT uR BaBB1ez.
If fiddy would retweet this then surely any minute now Warnie would get a rt, maybe even a reply although he didn't want to get his hopes up.
Still nothing only rt's from girls and sexy pictures.Should he send a sexy picture? No he decided against it as he had seen previous homophobic tweets from fiddy and did not want to be denied.
Maybe today just wasn't Warnies day.
incase your interested here are the lyrics to 'hitting that wicket' note it's explicit
Yeaahh, uhhuhh,warnie G bithes in the fucking house ready to tear that fuckin pitch up you ready,
what... coz im hitting that wicket, i also play cricket, pretty fly guy make em honeys wanna try. a wicket is a g spot a warnie g spot!
bitches think they no me wanna fuck with warnie g I aint down with that just hit that sweet pussy. I'm a pretty fast bowler and I'm a high roller errrrbody wanna piece of me it's a hard time being Warnie G especially coz i'm a horny G. man now don't go getting crazy warnie G here to love you baby i hit that spot right you know hit it good right. Sit back just chill with me i make it look easy. Got plenty of me to go round and I'll be hitting that wicket till the sun goes down.
When I rock up to a game you know I aint just playin' this is my life man you fuckers wouldn't understand. This aint no test match i am a real catch yeah maybe i fucked your wife but dammit im just livin life.
i be hitting that wicket,baby, you know i love you right hit that wicket all night.
warnie g! we gon' live forever!
Disclaimer, all of the above is fiction except the Liz Hurley thing and the TV show, and i also immagine the sting part and VB part to be true.
For Warnie G bringing short lived joy then eventual disappointment to illiterate Warren G fans since '07.
