The life and times of Warnie G

Things had been tough for Warnie lately, his show 'Warnie' had just been canned and he was getting a lot of media attention for recent liaisons with a married british star (Liz Hurley, really you gotta hand it to the man he did well). Feeling at a loss he knew something must be done. He wandered over to his computer, a can of VB in hand and sat down to mull over what had gone wrong and how he could gain back his cred. He checked his twitter account, his feed was mainly filled up with 50cents tweets which were just sexy pictures ladies were sending him. Warnie felt a pang of jealousy, why does fiddy get to be such a playa and make it look cool when Warnie just gets ridiculed. Although rather then let this jealousy overcome him Warnie instead had an inspired idea, why not befriend fiddy and get mad street cred? He had the idea now he just needed a plan.
He would have to keep it street, he felt confident about this as in 2007 Warnie had a short lived rap career performing under the name 'Warnie G. His raps were mostly cricket inspired, his best track called "hitting that wicket". He managed to blend the subjects of cricket and sex effortlessly and with a flow that could make your mamma weak at the knees. Although it all fell apart after only one gig, Warnie G performed at the footscray community centre but alas only two people turned up, they were however extermely pumped for the show and had been over heard telling people it was going to be a 'badass' show. Warnie was excited that he had two devoted fans. Unfortunately though it was all a big misunderstanding as it turns out his two fans were infact NOT Warnie G fans and were illiterate Warren G fans and had come to hear their favourite rapper perform the hit 'I shot the sherrif '. Needless to say it did not go down well when they realised there was definetly not going to be a Warren G concert that night. Things got ugly and Warnie swore he would never rap again, never that is until now.
Taking a swig from his beer Warnie ran over the options in his head, should he send fiddy a track?or just a tweet? or both. Both he decided, that way he had all options covered. He prepared the mp3 'hitting that wicket' and got to work on his tweet. He definetly could not start the tweet with a simple 'Hi' fiddy would see
right through it he had to talk the talk. 'YO DA FUCK IS UP MA MAN FIDDY?! WARNIE G HERE HIT ME BACK YO LOL'. The caps lock were a good touch as he had seen lil john use caps lock and lil john had mad cred. The lol was also a nice addition as fiddy uses it often in tweets, some might even say that lol is the new full stop. He read over the tweet again breaking into a bit of a sweat he couldn't afford to screw this up, if he got put down by fiddy then that would be the end.
He grabbed another can of VB and put on some sting to calm the nerves, now all he could do was wait.
There was a lot of retweeting happening from fiddy, this looked hopefull for warnie, retweets were still good as evidenced by Cody Simpson.
 @m1lsh4ke69 @50cent you so F**ckin fine I wAnT uR BaBB1ez.
If fiddy would retweet this then surely any minute now Warnie would get a rt, maybe even a reply although he didn't want to get his hopes up.
Still nothing only rt's from girls and sexy pictures.Should he send a sexy picture? No he decided against it as he had seen previous homophobic tweets from fiddy and did not want to be denied.
Maybe today just wasn't Warnies day.

incase your interested here are the lyrics to 'hitting that wicket' note it's explicit
Yeaahh, uhhuhh,warnie G bithes in the fucking house ready to tear that fuckin pitch up you ready, 
what... coz im hitting that wicket, i also play cricket, pretty fly guy make em honeys wanna try. a wicket is a g spot a warnie g spot! 
bitches think they no me wanna fuck with warnie g I aint down with that just hit that sweet pussy. I'm a pretty fast bowler and I'm a high roller errrrbody wanna piece of me it's a hard time being Warnie G especially coz i'm a horny G. man now don't go getting crazy warnie G here to love you baby i hit that spot right you know hit it good right. Sit back just chill with me i make it look easy. Got plenty of me to go round and I'll be hitting that wicket till the sun goes down. 
When I rock up to a game you know I aint just playin' this is my life man you fuckers wouldn't understand. This aint no test match i am a real catch yeah maybe i fucked your wife but dammit im just livin life.
i be hitting that wicket,baby, you know i love you right hit that wicket all night. 
warnie g! we gon' live forever!


Disclaimer, all of the above is fiction except the Liz Hurley thing and the TV show, and i also immagine the sting part and VB part to be true.
For Warnie G bringing short lived joy then eventual disappointment to illiterate Warren G fans since '07.

when sw tweeted cs part 2

*refresh* *refresh*
Alas still no reply from Cody. Shane could feel the tension growing inside him, he could not have a no reply from Cody, Shane refused to be the next Lindsay Lohan of twitter being ignored by fellow celebs. Who does this little punk think he is anyway, doesn't he know who warney is? He should feel privileged that warney would even bother to tweet him. Then again he didn't want anyone to know if CS didn't tweet back. Should he delete the tweet? No, people would have seen it already to delete it would be to admit to the shame, and he was no Shame Warne. Perhaps he could make a new fake CS twitter account and reply to himself? SW lowered his head in his hands trying to keep his cool. Why did I have to send that damn tweet? he though to himself. The whole world would know he'd been ignored by a 13 year old.He also had doubts about the tweet itself, did I come across too strong? was a winky face too much? Maybe he hadn't been as chill as he thought.  A sense of dread came over him, he would give it another 5 minutes then he would have to take some kind of action.
*refresh*
He looked up at his screen, his hope rapidly declining when he suddenly noticed something. A huge grin sat upon shanes face, YES! he thought. For right when SW was about to give up all hope CS had retweeted his tweet. Sure is wasn't quite a reply like he had hoped but dammit a retweet was better than nothing! SW breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed a well earned beer from the fridge. He sat back in his chair feeling happy in that he had kind of succesfully tweetmunicated with CS.
He leaned back and planned his next tweet.
@warne888 just enjoying the sun with a brew in hand
he patted himself on the back, it was a good tweet, casual but informative. It had been an emotional day in the twittersphere for shane but it all paid off.

when sw tweeted cs

Shane sat tentatively at his computer screen, he scrolled through many tweets, still no reply from Delta, still no wine recommendation from Jamie Oliver to go with his fish n chips (in the end he chose red wine vinegar as it was already in the house, a decision he later regretted).  A little discouraged but not completely down and out Shane thought to himself , who can I tweet? who really gets me? how can I be relevant again?  The answer sat in front of his eyes like a message from above, could it be?  Yes, this is the one, the one he would tweet. @thecodysimpson . It was so obvious how had he missed it before? Not only was Cody young and relevant he was also a fellow australian , not to mention tipped to be the next J Biebs. But what to tweet? 'YO CODY S ITS WARNEY HOW U DUIN?'. No that wouldn't do, the desperation would be made too obvious by the caps lock, musn't come on too strong. He wracked his brains, looked to the ceiling and prayed for guidance. Then like a christmas miracle Shane glanced at his screen and his heart swelled with joy when he saw @thecodysimpson : Im sweating so much in rehearsal right now. Is it ok for me to take my shirt off? Will someone please come wipe me down ;)

This was it! The moment he had been waiting for, the perfect opportunity to tweet CS, the winky face at the end settled it, Cody was a chill guy and would obviously wanna tweet Shane back. Shane being a retired athlete could relate to Cody's predicament, as sweating was a common problem for him also. He would offer Cody advice about sweating, now what to say in only 140 characters? He knew what he must do, it was now or never. His hands hovered above the keyboard for a moment, fingertips tingling with anticipation then like the stork delivering a baby, a beautiful tweet was born unto the twittersphere. 

@warne888 RT @thecodysimpson Hey man I read you, used to sweat up a storm on the ol'pitch would offer to help n wipe u down if i could us aussies gotta stick 2getha ;]

Beaming he looked at his perfect tweet, he had done it, and his use of the winky face would show CS and the others on twitter that he was a laid back guy with a silly side, he also added in that he was Australian feeling CS would be more comfortable tweeting back if they had some common ground. Now all he could do was wait and hit refresh...

TO BE CONTINUED!

notes: this is all fiction although cody simpson did actually tweet that wipe me down line the other day, he's 13 man! but on the other hand his song with flo rida is amazing.  Check it out

Shane Warne Twitter Fan Fiction

welcome to swtff. So the gist of it is this is going to be fiction based on shane warnes twitter account. inspired by an article in the age where shane warne was tweeting every celebrity in the world.
watch this space
also follow him on twitter @warne888
Also considering starting a lindsay lohan twitter fan fiction page.. thoughts?